Taken from my latest book Entitle Me Not
Having kids changes you. Everyone knows that. But exactly how you change is anybody’s guess. Even though I told myself I would never be that parent, here I am, being that parent. It just happens, and it’s totally worth making fun of. Here’s a list of 7 things that the pre-parent me would never do.
- Waking up at 7am is somehow considered sleeping in. No joke, my wife and I were woken up by my toddler at 7am the other morning and my wife looks over to me and says, “at least we got to sleep in a little.”
- Sex with my spouse is now scheduled and shared on the calendar. Now that we have a million and one daily tasks, it’s only logical. F*ck romance.
- You talk to everyone like they’re a toddler. While hanging out with my manly adult friends at the bar, I excuse myself to the bathroom by saying I have to go pee pee in the potty. I then proceeded to climb out the bathroom window and run away.
- “Me time” is spent passed out on the bed. Want some extra personal time to read a book or watch a movie? Just don’t sleep at night and you’ll have all the time you need.
- I thought I’d have to protect my child from my pet. Nope, it’s quite the opposite. My once viscous attack cat now runs for her life at the first pitter-patter of small foot steps.
- Before I became a parent, I loved blowing up fireworks until midnight on the 4th of July. Now that I’m a parent, I’m ready to start a petition banning fireworks after 9pm as my toddler will not sleep!
- Before I was a stay-at-home dad, I worked hard, kissed ass, and made money. Now I work hard, wipe my toddler’s ass, and work for free!
Oh the life of a parent. What are some of the unusual and funny changes in your life now that you have kids? Please leave a comment below and share your story. Thanks for reading!
For more easy to use parenting lessons and tips, check out my latest book Entitle Me Not. It has 22 lessons and parenting stories to help parents raise polite, hard working, and accountable children. Available on Amazon, Kindle, and at your local bookstores.